In the Moment: “Embracing our own life seems to be so damn hard let alone seeing the wonder in someone else day to day, day after day.”
Susan: I have been following your blog, and Roy’s, and have thought long into nights and days about your writing in this death project. I am decidedly not grateful that any of those who love you and know you must also know that they are going to lose you, nor that, as much as there are things to learn–teachings, indeed–about death, dying and pain, life and joy and intention, for those of us who survive until it is our turn to (perhaps) provide a few provisional answers, responses, words of wisdom, and reflection, you must face this lonely and solitary journey, and leave people behind. I think of you so often, although I know you mostly through words and writing, through our friend and aunty/nokomis’ Sharron. Late into the night and into the last days of her life, she would talk of both the joy of seeing her ancestors and the fear of the night, and how much she had left to do.
Like you, how brave she was in her words, and careful with all of us. She talked often of how you were the one who understood and deciphered, untangled her words, and it is important to me that you know that, and that she is singing. My comment on Roy’s blog was directed to an insightful partner, observer, friend and writer I may never meet. I realize, though, that I have absorbed what you have written without any response that indicates how much I appreciate and how much I learn from this (relative) stranger, a woman my dear friend asked me, directed me, to look out for before any of us knew you were ill.
And, when people speak of their impending loss, as Roy does, I want to remind them and me/us that we must learn from or at least live with that terrible feeling of suspension, and uncertainty, and the absolute knowledge of grief. This is how we honour our relations. As I thought today, when I sent to someone I have known since childhood links to your blog and to Roy’s, what an incredible gift to be spoken and written of with such certainty, out there in the blog-Facebook-sphere. So, I must thank you, as much for your invaluable insights and the ways you have shared living and dying, thinking through, with friends and strangers, but for the gift of relation as I learn a little more about myself, oddly, from Roy Cross, but also, so much, for that connection with my dear friend, and for taking the time to urge us to read and think about the words of others.
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Oh, Aruna, thank you so much for this. I am truly touched by your words. I think of Sharron often — I never thought I would follow her so soon, but her bravery gives me courage! I am so glad to have met her and you.
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Thank you both Roy and Susan to make your journey into really an explanation to the emotions that surround you. I am honestly thankful I was directed to read your blog it is coming on 5 years that my sister passed from cancer. I see so much how you are explaining how you feel, your positive acceptance and embracing the life before you. I don’t know you and yet I feel somewhat compelled to let you know…. I will continue to pray your through this journey and I don’t know if you have faith or what you believe. Just know I am praying for you. Thank you again for allowing a glimpse into your world and making it more real then you know.
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